STEP FOUR

We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

  • Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
    See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.

    PSALM 139:23-24

DIRECTION

  • First, gauge your willingness. Ask yourself: Am I willing to do whatever is needed to know the truth about myself as best I can, with God’s help?

    The best exercise to determine our level of willingness is what might be called the “relaxed face test.” You can try it now. Relax your face. Now think about exploring the sensitive areas of your life. Financial habits. Sexuality. Anger management. Insecurity. Deception.

    When your face is no longer relaxed, you know you’ve hit a pocket of resistance. It’s okay. Just take a deep breath. Relax your face.

    When you’re ready, start with the RESENTMENT inventory. Start with a single resentment as a little experiment. As you do, you will want to keep two thoughts in mind: “Be fearless” and “Be searching.”

    If you do this comprehensively, it will take quite a while. You will want to write it down or type it out and keep it someplace safe.

    Once completed this doesn’t often need to be repeated wholesale. Doing “resentment spot checks” on occasion, will be helpful in an ongoing basis. One person told me she’s done this step twelve times and it has been different each time. There’s never a wrong way to do the right thing.

EXAMPLE:

  • If you’re ready, you can try this even before going on to the next chapter. Start (if you haven’t already) with a single resentment as a little experiment. As you do, you will want to keep two thoughts in mind: “Be fearless” and “Be searching.”

    If you do this comprehensively, it will take quite a while. I have done it several times, and I always ended up with dozens of sheets of paper with hundreds of resentments listed (copies available upon written request). Of course, you will want to keep it someplace very safe.

    This has been by far the most thorough and concrete and helpful method for me. But it doesn’t often need to be repeated wholesale. Using one of the other three methods mentioned above (the seven deadly sins, the Ten Commandments, or a chronological examination), or doing “resentment spot checks” on occasion, will be helpful in an ongoing basis. One person told me she’s done this step twelve times and it has been different each time. There’s never a wrong way to do the right thing.

  • Take the Fear Inventory right now. First, ask if you are aware of any fears at the moment. If you aren’t—you’re done! If you are, calmly name what that fear involves. What are you afraid you might experience or lose?

    Then ask: Is there any action I am being called to take in this situation? Is there someone I should talk to, or information I should acquire, or some step I should take? If so, either do it immediately or make a plan for when you will do it. If you need wise counsel, decide who you will approach for it.

    Finally, ask God for the strength to be fully present in this moment now so that fear is not allowed to suck you into anxiety over the future.

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Encouraging quotes and scripture

  • Psalm 139:23-24:

    • "Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

    Galatians 6:4-5, (paraphrased):

    • "Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life."

    John 21:21-22, (Jesus to Peter paraphrased):

    • "What is that to you? You must follow me."

    Matthew 7:3-5 (paraphrased):

    • "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"

    Genesis 3:10:

    • "I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."

    Psalm 23:4 (paraphrased):

    • "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me."

  • John Milton, Paradise Lost:

    • "Thus they in mutual accusation spent the fruitless hours, but neither self-condemning, and of their vain contest appeared no end."

    Richard Foster:

    • “The priceless grace of self-knowledge... No need to repress, suppress, or sublimate any of God’s truth about ourselves. Full, total, unvarnished self-knowledge is the bread by which we are sustained.”

    Lew Smedes:

    • “You drown in the bilge of your own condemnation for lack of specificity... Precisely what is it that you need forgiveness for?”

    Anne Lamott:

    • “Living with resentments is like taking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die.”

    On Fear and Action:

    • "It’s very striking that in the Bible 'Do not fear' is the single most common command. It almost always means, 'Do exactly what you’re afraid of.'"

ADDITIONAL QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION

  • What personal barriers might be preventing you from fully embracing a "fearless and searching moral inventory"?

    How do unresolved resentments impact your relationships and spiritual life? What steps could you take to address these grievances and move toward forgiveness and healing?

    How does recognizing both your strengths and weaknesses through self-examination help you better experience God’s grace and extend it to others?

Close by praying for each other.

Continue to Step Five