STEP NINE

We made direct amends to such people
wherever possible, except when to do so
would injure them or others.

  • The Lord bless you and keep you;
    the     Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you;
    the     Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.

    NUMBERS 6:24-261

DIRECTION


  • Think of one specific way you have hurt one specific person. Perhaps you lied to someone, or stole from them, or gossiped about someone behind their back and hurt their reputation with a third party.

    Ask, How would I feel if I were that person? In what way have they been dam- aged? What could communicate to them that I have genuinely sought to understand their hurt and tried to set things right?

    Imagine what the appropriate amends would be: to apologize, or to pay back the money with interest, or to let them know that you have returned to the third party to set the record straight. What might prevent you from making such amends? How do you think you would feel before doing so? Afterward?

  • As needed, practice the “C,” Conversation.
    And “R,” Recall.
    And “A,” Apology.
    And “F,” Forgiveness.
    And “T,” Talk.

    Making amends is the process of repairing relationships. When apologizing, we should avoid using “apology lite” language that avoids taking responsibility or places the blame on someone or something else.

  • This week, dare to be guilty.
    Dare to believe that divine love and human guilt can coexist in the same

    heart, even the same moment.
    When you are aware of having done the wrong thing or said the wrong word

    (or having not done the right thing), pause before looking for an excuse. Don’t resist. Don’t defend. Don’t collapse.

    Ask God for new eyes—the ability to see the wrong we’ve done through the perspective of the one we’ve hurt.

    Ask God for a new heart—the ability to feel the pain of the one we’ve wounded.

Encouraging quotes and scripture

  • Numbers 6:24-26 (Aaronic Blessing):

    "The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace."

    Luke 15:11-32 (summary):

    The younger son seeks to make amends by offering himself as a servant to his father, symbolizing the process of repairing broken relationships .

    Luke 19:8 (summary):

    Zacchaeus exemplifies direct amends by pledging to repay anyone he has cheated four times over and giving half of his possessions to the poor.

    Psalm 51:17:

    "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise." (The value of true contrition and humility).

  • Dallas Willard:

    Shares a story about being punished as a child by singing the hymn "Love Lifted Me," emphasizing inner transformation over outward actions.

    Confession from the Book of Common Prayer:

    "We have erred, and strayed from thy ways like lost sheep. We have followed too much the devices and desires of our own hearts. We have offended against thy holy laws." (An acknowledgment of personal guilt and the need for forgiveness)

ADDITIONAL QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION

  • How do you differentiate between saying "I’m sorry" and making true amends?

    In what ways might being direct in making amends strengthen relationships?

    How might embracing a mindset of humility and “daring to be guilty” lead to deeper personal growth and reconciliation?

    What role does grace—both giving and receiving—play in the process of making amends? How might focusing on grace over "deserving" transform your approach to reconciliation?

Pray for each other to close.

Continue to Step Ten